hey world,

Tonight was uncle clem and aunty gracie's 50th birthday party. it was great. black and gold theme, pretty balloons hanging down the ballroom, nice tasting chocolates sitting on our tables, ladies dressed up in pretty dresses and guys dressed up so smartly. wonderful dinner party with wonderful songs and food. except that the dessert that i was so eagerly waiting for turned out REALLY BAD. i think the chef mistook salt for sugar and so the chocolate cake and icing all turned out VERY salty. bad. just bad. other than that, the champagne, wine blah blah was good and company too. just people all around me were couples.

felt quite loner-ish tonight, honestly. esp on the dance floor. didnt wan to dance but was pulled out there and when the slow song came out, yes, you turned away and choose to ignore me. bah.. so ended up dancing with uncle alan to the song "falling in love with you". *laughs* but i do regret what i said to you, i wish i could take my words back and things would be different. oh well, it was still a great dinner.

and now i have one more week in perth. just really excited to see my mum back home.

and sometimes i wish things were different.

I believe that all things happen for a reason, and for a good reason to. Things will always turn out good, its just a matter of how good it will be and how you see it. Just like my trip to rottnest with some friends, really didnt want to go at first but was somehow coerced into going, or just because they didnt want to leave me alone behind. But didnt regret that decision cos I really had so much fun, and met so many more nice people. (: and learnt more stuff about aussies. Eating white bread with peanut butter, topped with honey and marshmallow. Ewww you say but thats what they do! Okay, maybe not all the aussies but those that I went with. In a nutshell, the trip was super super awesome. You can just sit on the rocks looking at he waves crashing and looking at the horizon. Its beautiful...and when the sun shines, you see rainbows on the splash that the waves made. =) The ocean that I was looking at is the Indian Ocean, and the next "land" that I wil see is India, nothing else in the middle. How fascinating.

And now that I have 2 more weeks to spend, maybe not doing anything much. Baked a cake and made pizza today for dinner. Invited the neighbours over for dinner and had a good one. Really proud of myself and adeana for not eating out at all and cooking most nights, besides the night that we have to work.

And YAY! get to work tmr. which means more money going into my bank account. after spending so much on rottnest trip. lol. Some wrestling event tmr.. HULKAMANIA!

the mango wine and scarlet is great tonight. just needed those wine to get me through dinner just now.. and finally the end of all my mugging exams. now i am left with jap, which i have to score for the last paper to pull my marks up.

and yes, today when i was shopping with dan and dq, there was this japanese lady that came up to me to ask if i can speak jap, and stupid me said a little bit.. and i was then stuck trying to uds what she was saying. so i finally figured out from bits and pieces that i uds that she was asking if its alright to sign in japanese for her credit card. so all i said was "dekimasu" and "hai" meaning "can" and "yes"... hahahah embarrasing...

again, i think i cant stop spending.. stop me someone.

then dan sent me back though i said i didnt need to as i can take the bus.. but he just went on and on again to comment on how "far" i live. honestly, its not. and i am not in denial, neither am i trying to make myself feel better or whatsoever. i dont live far from city or uni. i might have to take a bus to uni, unlike them they can walk. but i think its fine and its seriously fine with me. and it is really getting on my nerves whenever they say "cos you live so far" as any excuse to freaking anything. just stop being so pampered with the car and just shut up. *inner thoughts* though most of the times i just cant be bothered telling them its only a 10 mins drive from my place to city. and 15mins to uni. its just so much about not living near the uni and all those crap that i keep getting from them that they keep saying that its seriously not funny to me anymore.

not only that, about me going back only in dec. i dont really wan to care about what they think, or what they say. but the sacarstic tone of "oh, cos she LIKESSS it so much here that she only going back in dec" or maybe "oh, we cant ask you out yet cos you not back yet ma". so whats the freaking big deal about going back early. to club?  get a life. i dont see the need to rush back when my exams are ending on the day they fly back. or just flying back a litle later. not that i am going to spend my whole holiday here, not that i dont miss my family and friends, I DO! and i think of them ALL THE TIME. not that i dont want to go back, i just wanna take my time, be it the people here, work, or just not going back. just commenting over and over again "why you going back so late" is not funny to me anymore. and each time i tell them its not funny talking about it cos i dont like it, they think its like a joke. laugh all you wan people. if its just the nightlife that you all miss so much, go ahead. nothing to do with me.

bah, seriously pissed. and each time i just let it go. cos i do and i just had to have an outlet this time. commenting on each and everything isnt nice and even if you have, pls know your limits. i have my reasons for staying for 2 more weeks. i have my reasons for working. i have my reasons for doing what i do. and so i am not going to let anything affect me.

okay, its my brother's birthday and i sent him a card and he received it today! but sadly he said half of it is ruined by the rain. damn! i wrote really sweet things in theree.. and i wrap it up with plastic thinking that rain might destroy it so i am still wondering how much is destroyed. but the main point is that, i wanna let him know that I LOVE HIM =) hes an irritating awesome brother. and just decided to let him know that i am always here for him so i made a card for him.

WHOO! gonna hear britney's concert one more time tmr! okay, hyped up cos i get paid to watch her concert, or maybe half her concert. and at the same time serve pple who pay to watch her concert and spend time queing at the bar getting drinks from me!!! hahahah.. drunk britney fans to little kids with pink wigs and high school girls dressing up like britney when she first started, the school girl look. hahaha. it was interesting looking at all the girls. mother and daughter with pink hats and britney tees, this gay girl with colouful nails and so friendly, girls who drink and drink till they are drunk, a guy who shouted at me for charging him 9 bucks for a heinieken.. all sorts of people everywhere. after the "rush hour" when britney came on the stage, and songs were playing, people go crazy screaming their heads off. and then again they come out to get their drinks. dont uds why they dont watch the concert and make the ticket worth. seems to me that its more worth it going to a club that plays her music and cheaper drinks. HA! anyway, see if i could upload the video of her singing womanizer and a blurry picture all taken with my phone. and yes, people pay to sit down to watch her ticket, and they were as far as i were from the stage.



all her costumes were just blink blink., blink blink bikini, blink blink dress, blink blink hat, blink blink coat, blink blink indian/egypt costumes, blink blink dancers. hahah so yeah.. and circus theme were unlike the pink's concert where pink does the jumping and swinging, for britney, her dancers did more i reckon.

okay, i dont really know how i can upload videos.. but yea.. it was "womanizer womanizer womanizer"

oh well, this was the only happening thing that happened to me today. other than the exam in the afternoon.. 120 mcqs.. first time that i actually have to use the last column of the shading sheet.. whooo..

hmmmm, cant wait for exams.. seriously. just wanna do my paper like right now! anyway just got called to work at britney spears circus tour show.. not as usher or what.. but standing at the bar selling drinks and food during the concert. so now i hope and pray that i get the bar thats right infront of the stage so that i get to peek at her show and not only hear it. but yay! get money and listen to her concert at the same time. why not! muahhahah

and since i have been spending time at home and stressing myself over exams...i have been a slave to online shopping.. boohoo.. even just looking at stuff online is taking up so much of my time. but oh well, its called retail therapy and it helps. so got my next year diary online, cant wait for it! got like 3 dresses, 1 top... and i have been controlling.. telling myself not to loook.. hahaha.

okay, nothing much has been happening besides study, work, study and more study... and and watching HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER! been repeating the past few seasons over and over. its AWESOME (: anyway, for those pple out there having exams too, good luck and study hard!

sorry guys for not replying to your comments. been kinda busy.. so decided to reply here (: really happy that all of you have been reading my blog and posting comments to spur me on.. <3

fran: yeah. i am sure you know how i feel and i am sure exams are coming for you tooo. hope you didnt spend your halloween mugging away like me >.< guess the only thing scaring me was my books.

zhao: you busy girl.. hope you enjoyed your birthday. and i am sure theres more to come! tell me about it ya.

von and yn: yes my dears, nv regretted knowing you girls. wonderful wonderful to have met you two... =) and yes, we are so going to hang out when i am back okayyyy!

sinyee: YES! hahahah thank you darling.. you tooo! work hard, been seeing fb and i see that you are so stressed up with so many things.. you are so busy! slow down babe. hahah take care!

takes abit to start blogging all over again. each time i come into my room wanting to turn on my comp and blog, i'll be too lazy.. and i tell myself i will do it tomorrow. and that tomorrow never comes. oh well. here comes that "tomorrow". finally its the end of my 13 weeks of uni. and its seriously time for exams. havent got much mood to start studying. been really slow in starting but i guess if i procrastinate any further i will not be able to finish studying and there goes my grades. just cant wait for exams to start and *POOF* exams over.

sometimes i always wonder why am i in commerce. when i am doing my arts subject (elective) now, i wished i enrolled myself in arts. den again, what am i going to do with an arts degree. then i wished i didnt do my A's, maybe i should have gone straight to TP wanting to do my tourism and hotel management. or maybe if i studied harder in A's? and do something i wanted in singapore? how different would things be? or maybe came straight over here and did year 12 here after O's and enter uni. how would the poeple that i meet be different? all these things pop up randomly when things doesnt go well for me here. and i keep thinking that it could have been better. then again, i have no regrets when i see the people i meet here. the things that i do here. its not that awesome, not that great. but its a whole new experience. and then i wanna travel somewhere else. just leave to do some cooking or pastry courses. like just drop school. i am so tempted to do that. go backpacking, go do some culinary courses, just set up a business. and so the big question mark for me is what are i going to do after uni? where do i want to settle in? what do i want?

argh..i miss just hanging out, doing nothing, nothing to worry. so i really cant wait for after exams and i have 3 months to do that.. uni has been going so fast, too fast...eeryone's growing up so fast... people know what they want, what they are after, what they are going to be, where they want to be. i thought i knew about what i wanted, but when i think about it, it all seems grey...

okay, ending on a happy note. mmmm okay, nothing much is happening right now. i miss my friends. and really happy that they are reading my blog. at least i know i have audiences (:

last time i updated this was 29 weeks ago according to livejournal. thats almost 8 months! time seriously flies. and though i know now that noone bothers reading this but just feel like typing down some things.

into my last 2 weeks of uni before exams come. its pretty scary. considering the fact that i have no idea whats going on in my financial planning unit. though i did complete my project, just felt crap about it. stupid assignment worth 50%. and now struggling through corporate financial policy project. bah.. going crazy with crazy, undoable projects.

got a msg de other day that left me smiling non stop. as much as i wan it to stop, that sweet and short msg keep playing in my head. been wondering if i am reading too much into it. wondering if i am giving myself false hope. pulling myself back to reality. just dont wan to go thru it all over again. pls just let me know if i am wrong about it.

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Being Alone   While you may act like you don't care on the outside, on the inside your biggest fear is being alone. You can be quite shy and reserved. You feel like a lot of times people don't really see the real you. You're afraid that no one will really truly love you, and that you will be alone for the rest of your life. On the inside you are great person, so just remember that and don't let your shy nature get the best of you! If you don't want to be a lone then you need to make an effort to be with someone. Show the people that you care about that you really love them, and chances are someone will always be there, even if you think they won't.
Losing Someone
Disappointment
Looked down on
Commitment
Death
Where Your life is Going
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

well, maybe this is quite true. just deep down inside i am afraid of losing.. loved ones, friends and family. as much as sometimes i do enjoy the quietness of me being alone and just noone knowing bout what i am doing. i think i like company, and good company at that. maybe i just dislike the fact that some people are so superficial and insincere, that i would just tend to look out for that in the friends that i make. and you can tell if someone is sincere. you can.

into the 4th week of this sem. haven had much idea what i have been doing. have been enjoying the company of some people. and just hanging around with the silence in my room.

it still hurts when i hear my mum says "try la, better if you come back"
it still makes me doubt my decision when pple tell me "like that also good la"
it still create uncertainty in me when i feel that i am alone

whatever, whenever, whoever.

ever since, i havent had a good night of sleep. wake up in the middle of the night, no matter how i tire myself in the day. dozing off in my books, but cant go to sleep when i close my eyes. having nightmares even if i do.

someone asked me how?
i said okay, fine, doing good

someone asked me sure
i said yeah...

someone said i have to be patient, and that i am tolerant
i am cos i love you

someone said (we) are lonely
i agree, esp when i stay with others, not alot of freedom and that sucked

someone said i am strong
i am trying really hard

someone said i just needed someone to rant to
thank you

someone irritated me by saying, someone gave you flowers for your bdae? happy birthday arh.
you are sacarstic

someone said you just need to work it out
i am, i will, no matter what

someone or maybe me wants to move out so badly
and i will

someone needs to uds my situation
and it gotta be you

someone has to be there
and it also gotta be you

someone needs to wait
i am sorry

someone
i love you

yes, rants. just random rants which i need to get it off but i cant specifically say it out. so you all might not know what i am talking about but its alright.

# honestly, i just wan to know the truth. the urge to talk to you about it, the frustration in me isnt controlling veh well. just noone will uds.
# stop complaining bout the govt, cause you are born that way, in that place and since you left, just SHUT UP.
# so much for being alone, out there.
# feel out of place when i see the two of you. stop reminding me of how far i am.
# if you could only read my thoughts, and stop pretending tat nothing has happened.
# its really hard to put up a front, trying to be innocent and pretend.

5th day since i came back and i feel exhausted. totally.

haven had a nice good chance to just rest. even my sleeps feel short. super short. like close your eyes and open them, its time for uni!

well at least now i am glad that I CAN HAVE ALMOST A 3 DAY WEEK IF only i skip my only one lecture on monday. whooppeee...

still, kinda boring without uni. ironic me.

anyway, glad to have my bunch of good friends in perth with me =)

glad that i do not need to take management acct and i can take jap.

glad (somehow) that my dad is comin over for my bdae.

glad that i am always on your mind.

before you know it, 3 months have passed.

guess this whole routine will just go on for the next 2 years.

was talking to von on the train the other day and many thoughts struck me.

how many of us notice the little things in our life?

how many times do we take things around us for granted?

how often do we take people around us for granted?

stop and think.

back again to rant. yo!

been back here for quite some time alr. if you ask me what have i been doing, actually i dont really know. >.<

though its been a year alr, but the thought of it just hurts sometimes. as pple talk about it. it doesnt seem that easy to forget just liddat. maybe it just became harder because of you.

have you ever wondered what are you doing to your life?

as i am closer to that day, i feel more afraid.

its difficult to face it alone.

meanwhile, there are loads of things i wanna do! meet up with more pple that i miss >.< badly.

yoosh!

been real long since i updated. okay. a month just flew past again. time seems to be going much faster when you are in singapore hanging with people that you like.

but then again this feeling sucks.

getting used to it though.

the uncertainty and insecurity is getting me and i am trying to block it out as much as i can.

anyway, cant wait for tmr when my favourite dudes and dudettes come to my place to spend christmas. =)

meanwhile,

HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

okay.

i am tired. officially sian.

expectations frm everyone and all the stupid expectations. sometimes, JUST SHUT UP. and i mean it.

pleasing evryone and trying to act happy and nice is really a tough job. when you see them happy, you should be happy. in the end, you arent. SUCKS. and at the end of the day. you take of that mask, that happy mask of yours, feeling tired, thnking why things arent going the way you wanted and then you try again and again and again.

i know. bitchfit detected. -.-

and those calls. its irritating.

SHUT UP, tiff.

DOOMS DAY IS HERE!

first uni paper tmr!
scared
confident
scared
confident
........
i dont know! >.<

wish me luck!

by the way, i am only 8 days away from my dearest family, dearest friends and dearest boy...

I HAVE BROKEN MY OWN RECORD!

of having a dead phone for approximately 5 days..maybe 6
of staying at home since last thurs after i got home from uni...
of staying in front of my comp the whole time...

i am such a dork! @@

sigh.

distracted.

exams coming.

tooth aching.

寂しい..

愁い..

its the last day of my semester! wheee.. last tute with the girls for this sem. =)
while waiting to go in outside the classroom


suddenly i feel like bloggin in chinese. i am inspired.

有时候，事情的发生是难于意料的
也不是我们能控制的
但往往我们却错怪身边的每一件事
而无法发觉自己的错
慢慢的明白
原来事情是很简单的
你无法改变他人
但能改变自己

anyway. exams are nearing. really nearing. =x i should be studying really hard.
*i am stressed that i am not stressed
at least i gave myself good news today or rather relieve myself from all those tension and worries which i cant share with anyone. 
and all that suppressed in there
you cant see, nobody can
den again, i should be feeling better.
cheers (: