hey world,

 this blog must have been dead for a long time and noone comes along. but if you do, i have succumb and shifted to :

http://freiheitwillich.tumblr.com/

(:

 Been in Amsterdam for about a week now. Loving it? Not really, but I do like it. not really enjoying the intense partying, and intense drinking. Its abit too much for me. I love the peace and quiet and just some alone time, just to think about stuff and to think about just everything in your life. I'm grateful for having friends constantly keeping in touch with me and just dropping messages to ask me how am I. It take effort to do that, and I really appreciate that alot. Its gonna be another 4 months of partying. I dont know how long my liver and my old fuzzy bones can take it. Probably coming back with a stronger liver and def stronger social skills, when you are being forced to just talk to random people about your life and keep the conversation going. Pictures will be up on fb soon! Just too lazy to do it right now. 

I miss you. I really do. 

Okay, gonna start this blogging thing again so that I have an outlet to rant, to cry, to share, to laugh, whatever. 

Almost 5 days in Amsterdam, I think I really need some getting used to. Everything seems like when I first went over to Australia. But this time I am truly alone and as much as people say I should not think so much, I cant help it. I honestly feel abit homesick. I dont deny that. The people I met are really different culturally, and I guess theres so much I can accommodate their culture. Yeah, sure, exchange, party, I can do that, but I wanna do sth more meaningful. Haha. Its difficult though. 

I wanna travel, I really do, but doing it alone actually really scares me. I wanna find someone who can do that but the friends I met are all Europeans, or rather mostly, who actually have travelled to most of the countries. So, I really want to explore this continent and embark on a exciting journey, and not just looking to drink and smoke and drink and smoke like what most people do! =(


Still cant believe I'm in Amsterdam. Like, I look around and oh, WAIT! Im not in Singapore, not in Perth, I'm in EUROPE. People around me have family and friends visiting over the weekends. Can I have mine to visit too? *prays hard* 

Gonna enjoy this experience. Gonna love it. 

If things were that easy, we wouldnt be in this state

If things were that simple, both me and you wouldnt be feeling this way

If things were that right, I wouldnt be having second thoughts every single moment of my life

If things were meant to be, then every moment should be delightful and we would cherish every single bit of it

So, if things were that easy, we would be happy for every little moment.

 

I was talking to my mum just two nights ago on skype. I felt really apologetic for not being patient with her. I tend to be so quick tempered when talking to her and get really frustrated whenever we disagree or whenever I find it hard to get my point across. And for that, I feel ashamed and guilty. I think about how patient she is with me, ever since I was young. I cry alot, but she still carried me around in her arms till I fell asleep. I dont always finish my milk bottle, but she will always try to feed me. I always put on a black face when I dont get something, she tries to compromise with me. I feel helpless when I am stressed, she is always there to support me quietly. I was really upset about things that dont go my way in my life, she always tries to tell me the reason behind things and tell me it will be okay. And what about me? I feel frustrated when she tells me to take away my profile pic on msn, thinking that someone I dont know might take my picture. I feel irritated when she says "huh" all the time but actually she heard what I said. I feel upset whenever I tell she tries to tell me the reason for something which I dont accept. And all the time, I feel very angry with myself for being this way. Though I know my mum will never see this, but I am trying, to be a better daughter, to be a better friend, to be more patient with her as she grows older. I love you mummy <3 

Well, some stalker was asking me why arent I blogging recently. I haven got the time, and the effort to do it ever since 3 months ago. I do have lots of stuff to blog about my life. But just cant be bothered thinking that noone reads my blog. Since I still have ONE AVID FAN, I will continue to do so.

Uni life has been pretty tough recently. I havent done as well in my midsems as I wanted to, or expected to. And its really bad. BAD BAD. Nothing can describe how scared I actually feel right now, and how I want to get things done and over with so that I can just concentrate on mugging for my finals to pull my grades up. Guess I just have to blame myself for not putting enough effort and not hardworking enough. But I believe that I will be able to do it. 

As my uni life is coming to an end, I have mixed feelings about it. Worried, nervous, scared, aimless. I dont know what to do and what is going to happen after I graduate. Finding jobs, etc.... It is frightening. What can I freaking do with a commerce degree. Why did I even study business? All these questions start popping up in my head when I start to study and see that the semester is coming to an end. The anxiety is frightening. 

On a lighter note, I went to a ball not too long ago. It was a MSU Masquerade ball. Food was crap, company was good. Drinks were free flow. OH YEAH. I had glasses of champagne to bottles of them. Lost track of how many bottles of champagnes and jugs of orange juice did we get, it was a happy, happy night. (but not drunk). The guys were scouring beers. The girls were dancing. It was an epic night. 

What else.... OH! Had spring feast.. which is equivalent to our pasar malam. But of course, not as delicious and not as cheap. I had a stall too, selling chilli crab sauce from jumbo with crab legs and bread. IT WAS A HIT! sold out in the first 2 hours. So spent the rest of the night walking around, waiting for people to offer me food, because I forgot my wallet. I was so busy that day cooking the sauce and chopping the crabs, that I smelt like one after that. It was a fun experience, with nice people helping me. Though I was pretty upset and pissed with someone. Made some money out of that and pretty happy (:

Okay, thats enough for a come back. Back to my essay and presentation due tomorrow (:


 

its been awhile since i updated after my exams. was busy and caught up with stuff all the way till like now. after exams krystal and her friend jasmine came to perth and we toured around the south and drove along the coast and had a wonderful relax drive. it was awesome. it was just me, my friends, the car. and no intervention. it was really good. away from people, away from life, away from internet. i seriously could do without internet. beats seeing things i dont wan to see, talking to people i dont want to talk to and just spending some time alone.

and we went to sydney and it was CITY LIFE ONCE AGAIN. i miss that, i really do. make me think of alot of people, singapore and my family and friends. met up with my beloved franie and of course hector. had a nice meal and green tea latte. it was good. we talked about heaps of stuff and at that point i really felt glad that she has hector. they are really compatible and seeing them thinking alot of the future and having those mature mindsets and what not makes me happy for them. (: its very heartwarming.

came back to perth finally, rested for one day and went to pick brian up from the airport. felt really bad these few days cos i am really really really tired to keep on driving so i decided to not go for a roadtrip. didnt really tell him that though but did as much as i can to entertain and to bring him around (: on friday he is going to leave to meet his friend. and i will be wondering my next two weeks away. what to do? hhahah.

Woots. I know I have two important and difficult papers next week. But I got so sick, literally, from studying. I have a bad headache, runny nose, swollen gums, teeth that feels like its falling off, and STRESS. I dont know why its so bad this time but the exams are really getting me.

Anyway, took some time off studying and browse the net. And when I am really bored and have nothing to do, I like looking at recipes and food blogs and whatever blogs or websites related to food. And then I am always inspired to try it. (: Having exams in the next two weeks dont help because I am really tempted to get my hands onto those whisks and pots and pans and start whipping up something. I have decided to make something EVERYDAY after my exams. or at least when I am at home, I will definitely make sth, a dessert or fingerfood or something. Then I am going to blog about it, if I am not that lazy, you guys can feast your eyes. Not that my food will turn out all that good, but I wanna use this holiday to make it better and to share with everyone my interest for baking. (;

So many times I feel like dropping out of uni to go to Tafe to do some culinary course. SERIOUSLY. Each time I go for work and talk to the chefs during non-peak hours, they always let me play around and cook sth in the awesome kitchen. Though I always get burnt marks on my hands, its always fun and nice to learn sth new. As I was looking through the websites, there are so many people out that who are food lovers, and so many young people out there venturing into the food industry. Its really making me wanna have my own shop one day.

So, gonna start by polishing up my skills by practicing first. Whether issit cakes, tarts, souffles, kuehs, whatever. This holiday is going to be an exciting one. At first I thought that this holiday by staying in Perth I am going to be BORED to death, but seems like I have things to do.

1. Krystal is coming and we are going to to Sydney together
2. Brian is coming after that and we can travel south/north together
3. Thirsty Merc concert
4. James asking me to go South with his friends
5. Work and EARN $$$ to support all the above
6. Maybe sign up for some courses

And if people actually do read this, should I spend my money on one, learning how to ride a bike. or two, get back into golfing (which I actually eventually will). 

A little break off studying and off mousehunt. I have no idea why I am into mousehunt. I dont see why I am sounding the horn every 15 minutes even when I am concentrating studying. It doesnt distract me, it doesnt. HAHA.

Exams in another 2 days. @@ I feel really stressed this time. Feels like lots to study, feels like I wont do well, feels like I am just gonna screw things up. Studying really hard now to make up for all the slack-ness periods I had for the past weeks.

I have been stuck at home ever since the last week, I am wrapped up in my bath robe, wearing socks, keeping myself warm and sitting in front of my study desk. =( Never felt so stuck at home. SERIOUSLY. okay, things arent that bad. I went to a footy game last sunday. IT WAS GREAT! Australian football. And guess how dumb I can get. I felt so excited watching the game, wanting to take my beautiful pro camera out to take a picture, and as I took, I realised my picture isnt saved. BECAUSE I FORGOT MY SD CARD. I took it out and forgot to put it back in. SIGH. How blur can I get. But the game was exciting and good! (: The players look short from where I was sitting, but the shortest was 186cm and tallest 199cm. Oh well, the only photo I managed was this.



Recently I just found out something. I guess its bad news in a way. Its bad for me cos its not making things easier for me. Its making me feel that all these while my warped thoughts might come true. This either gotta stop, or I just have to make it all work again.

still wanna tell you that i miss you, as it always have been so.

After weeks of stress and anxiety from meeting deadlines and completing projects and assignments. Its finally over. Today was the deadline for my marketing management assignment. After 12 weeks of struggle to finish a unit which actually I dont know what exactly they expect of me. I still think I did a good job in finishing the group assignment and *cross fingers* should be able to do well. Just really was very unhappy with the group. VERY pissed. Irresponsible people who I feel dont deserve the marks for the effort that they put in, the excuses they give when they cant complete on time, the lousy quality of work, just everything.*angst* Sorry if I complained to you all the time. Cos you were my only listening ear. Trying to find peace within myself.

Just two weeks ago, Abi just gave birth to Timothy. Hes early arrival of 7 weeks just stunned everyone and made everyone very worried for both the mother and the child. Luckily that both are now safe and healthy. It was amazing to see that little life survive. He is barely 1.2kg and probably just the length of your forearm. The love that you see Abi and James have for the baby was so heartwarming, and the encouragement that James constantly gave to Abi just feels my heart with so much love. He was and still is by her side to take care of her, to praise her for her hard work, to love and care for her. Especially when Timothy is still in the incubator and the mother is still weak from labour.

Yet, just yesterday I heard the news that the baby that Gerald and his wife was expecting in 2 weeks time died in her womb. Dont know what exactly happened, but I was really sad to hear that. Imagine the exciment and anticipation of having a new born in the family and just to know that you have to still go through the delivery of a dead baby. How difficult it is for them.

Good things happen. Bad things too. Sometimes its just fated. It might happen for a reason. Always embrace that and you will feel that things aint as bad as they seem. Theres always hope, and light at the end of the tunnel. Now, I hope that I will have the energy and motivation to study for exams. And after that, welcome the arrival of my beloved friends. <3